The day mommy got a time out

J and I had a wonderful weekend. We drove down to Missouri on Friday to visit family / see his dad. Despite J puking twice on the way down, all over his carseat and himself, then again while we were sleeping, it was a marvelous trip. He was happy and up beat all of Friday, even with the puking. The only negative was at the very end when I accidently squished his toe in the car door. It wasn't bad. It was red for ten minutes. 

We spent Saturday with my family, went to the park and had lunch with my cousin and his two toddlers, J was even a good boy at a Church service remembering my grandparents Saturday afternoon. After Church, we drove the back roads to his father's work. He works in a farm supply/hardware store. We were early so we walked around a bit. Dealing with his dad was even a nice encounter. I headed back to my grandparent's house, took myself out to dinner, watched a sunset, and listened to audiobooks I had downloaded. It was a beautiful Saturday. 

Sunday was an absolutely beautiful day in Southeast Missouri. Sun shining, a few random clouds, seventy degrees. I woke up early, worked out, went for a walk to Main St. in their small town, then went to a Church lunch my aunt was working at. After the lunch, my aunt and I went shopping. She has two sons, a husband, and two grandsons, so she needs girl time every once in a while. We got back from shopping, I packed up my stuff, went through some of my grandparent's stuff that was boxed up. I picked out some books I wanted to keep, and learned my grandparents were apparently VERY into bird watching, who knew?! hahaha I went to sleep early. It was another beautiful day. 

Monday started great. I woke up early and met J and his dad back at his work. I was early, J seemed happy, his dad was decent, "This is going to be a nice 7 hour drive home," I thought to myself. After about a half hour of driving, J fell asleep for about 45 minutes. Again, I thought this is going to be one of our best trips back ever. 

For the next six hours, we had the same conversation 12 times an hour, for six hours.

J: Mommy?

Me: Yes?

J: Are we home yet?

Me: No

J: -crying hysterically, out of nowhere- OMG WE'RE LOST! WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET HOME!

Me: I promise you we are not lost

J: Mommy?

Me: Yes?

J: Can I watch on your phone?

Me: No. It's not working

J: -crying hysterically- OMG MY TOE HURTS! YOU SMASHED IN THE DOOR! YOU ARE THE WORST MOMMY! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

In between these discussions, he'd throw shit at me or kick my seat, and he'd get a time out. We've been doing 1-2-3-Magic program for discipline, and it's been going great. How the hell are you supposed to give a 4 year old a time out while you're driving down the highway? Seriously, I'm open for ideas. I ended up pulling over every time, taking whatever toys he had found, turning off music, and ignore him for four minutes. 

While ignoring him for four minutes helped, by the time we got home I was spent. I don't remember what I had done to piss him off at that point, but in our first 20 minutes home, he spent 15 in timeout. I did something else, Lord knows what, and he told me, "You're a mean mommy. You're not listening. You need a timeout!" I. WAS. LIVID. 

To keep both of us safe, I said ok. I turned on the alarm and went in my room for 28 minutes. I told him he couldn't talk to me while I was up there. IT WAS AMAZING!

I think every toddler mom should make a regular "mommy time out" part of their routine. The kids will survive, you will keep your sanity, it's really a win-win. After my nap, he said sorry for not listening, I said sorry for yelling, and we watched a movie together. 

A leap of faith

When the consequences of taking a leap of faith, and failing, are diminished by the consequences of not taking the leap, your minds already made up. TAKE THAT LEAP. 

I met my son's father while we were both in college in Missouri. I'm from Chicago. I left him when my son was a year old. My parents, "stayed together for the kids," and I respect them so much for that. At the same time though, their unhappiness has caused emotional issues for me, and my siblings, into adulthood. I never wanted my son to deal with that. The house is full of love 75% of the time, but there are moments. A year after I left, I graduated and I had a lease ending, plus no job lined up, so we moved in with my parents back in chicago. That was my only choice. 

Three years later, and we're still living with them. I was offered the opportunity to return to my alma mater to study for my master's degree. I keep telling everyone that's the plan. "Moving back to Missouri. Going to grad school." I haven't submitted the paperwork though. I was terrified, until today. 

What if I fail and have to move back to Chicago? What will that do to my son? Will he hate me forever? Will he be emotionally scarred cause of my failure? Can I even do this without my parents? 

I noticed something today though while my mom was yelling at my dad cause he put coffee in her cup before the creamer, which is ~obviously~ incorrect. I noticed my son's whole body language change. He had woken up happy, full of energy. As this went down he kind of curled up in his seat; head down, shoulders in, eyes on the table. I knew right then and there that we were moving. At that moment, my failure didnt mean shit if it stopped his emotional wreckage from happening. 

Some things still amaze me about becoming a parent, and how quickly my feeling change based on his well being, will always be one of them. I saw his reaction and knew that I wasn't going to fail because of him. All of my selfish fears disappeared cause he needed this opportunity just as much as i did. If, by some weird fluke, I totally bomb, at least he'll know mommy tried. I'm not saying that I won't hit a bump or two, or that I won't emotionally damage him in other ways, but at least they'll be my own, different ways. Hahahaha

So, my message today is that I wish you inner peace with your decisions. Don't stress yourself too much about making the right decision. If you work hard, and make the most of every speed bump you hit, you'll be just fine.  

Why my neighbors love Winter

With Fall officially upon us, I thought I would write an open letter to all my neighbors, but especially, the young family who just moved in to one of the houses that backs up to my backyard. This is an apology in advance for them because they won't experience my "mommy-rath" until next Summer. I would like to apologize for all the shit you hear me yell at my son and my dog. I know you can't see me through the bushes, but know that I am cringing at the ridiculous sentences I say.


Ok, a little backstory here. I live with my parents and we have a pretty sweet backyard. It's not huge, but we have a pool, a swing set, a sandbox, a little pool, a big dog, a small dog, a garden, and my four year old son. Our beautiful landscaping has grown so big that our backyard is like an escape. You can almost forget you even have neighbors. These bushes help me believe I'm hiding my crazy, but I'm clearly not. Here's pictures of the backyard:

And here's how it would look from the air. My yard is the polaroid with the "social problems" sticker. All the other ones are backyards that are affected by this. The new family just moved into the house with the star. Although, they have what appears to be a young son, so this could just be a warning of what's to come. All the other affected neighbors have been there for years, or have kids around J's age, so they don't mind and have told us they love the random comments they hear through the fence.
*I know it's not the best collage, but I had to work with what I got. *

So, that's the yard, these are the characters responsible for my crazy:

Lucy & Thor

Top ten phrases I have actually said that make my neighbors love Winter

During the Winter, we're all rarely in our backyards at the same time, but on a beautiful summer day, you can expect to hear one of the following come from my backyard. 

1. Where did your clothes go? / Why are you naked? / Can you at least put underwear on?

2. Don't pee in/on/off of that

3. Stop throwing your toys in the big pool

4. Stop throwing sand in the little pool

5. Lucy, don't eat Thor's poo

6. Lucy, don't eat Thor

7.Be careful. Going down that slide naked is going to hurt. 

8. No. I'm not kissing your butt cause the slide was hot. I told you put clothes back on 5 minutes ago.

9. Don't go near that pool. I told you we can't go swimming till your have clothes on. We don't swim naked. / Don't sit in the sandbox naked

10. Where the hell did you find that paint?! No don't paint that, or that, or the dogs. get back here!

Why I became a personal trainer

So, a few weeks ago I officially became an ACE certified personal trainer. I took classes at my local jr. college and studied my butt off for a year. Besides with people who know me personally, I have never gotten into why I wanted to become a personal trainer, and there is a lot behind my three main reasons, so I thought I'd delve into that today.

Reason #1: Everyone deserves to feel happy about their body and I would love to assist people to getting healthier.

I fell in love with exercise, and it became habit, when I stopped looking at it as something I HAD to do for weight loss. I had exercised on and off since I had my son, but finally, after two years it stuck. I wanted to lose weight, but I gained so much. It was a huge stress reliever, mood balancer, and gave me confidence. That was before I even saw any results in the mirror. My mother had repeatedly told me I would never get my pre-baby body back and that only crazy people tried to get back into shape. When I did start to see results, I realized she was crazy, but right at the same time. But how, you ask.
1. I had changed. I no longer wanted my pre-baby body back. I wanted to be healthy, happy, and active. I never lost all the weight, but I'm in better shape than I was when I was 18.
2. I realized that I spend so much time making sure my son is healthy, happy, and active, that I DESERVE to do the same for my self.
3. She was crazy! Being in good health wards off all kinds of disease as you get older. Good for the women who do lose all the weight. If they are happy, who am I too judge?! Same for the mommas who don't try to lost any of the baby weight. The crazy ones are the ones who try to tell people they can't accomplish their goals.

Reason #2: I witnessed people missing out on opportunities to have fun and be active. It's the culmination of these missed chances that keeps it from becoming a lifestyle change for people.  

My son and I love to be outside, or just active. We hike, walk to the park, he helps me garden, we swim, we go to nature centers, etc. I've written numerous blog posts about exercising in nature and kids in nature, so I won't talk about that more than necessary. This reason is the result of a few observations I made while with my son, so to make it easy, I'm just going to list them out.

1. Parents who drive to the park and then sit on their phones while their kids play.
My son is young enough that he still wants me to play with him, so I use the playground equipment as my gym. He doesn't realize it, and we have fun. If your kids are older, body weight exercises with the benches are great.

Also, WALK TO THE PARK! Walking is so good for you. Bonus points if you push a stroller or carry a bike home cause "they're too tired". haha

2. I live next to O'hare Airport in Chicago. You would be amazed how many forests you can get lost in, right by the airport. The trees are surrounded by busy streets, but there are nature centers, trails, museums, lakes, boat rentals, picnic shelters, and you never feel like you're in Chicago. That amazed me. THERE ARE OPPORTUNITIES LIKE THIS IN COMMUNITIES EVERYWHERE! PLUS, MOST OF THEM ARE FREE! Walking is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Take advantage of any cool opportunities near you. Get out and explore your area, your outdoors, or your region.

I believe doing fun things like this are what make it easier to adopt an active and healthy lifestyle, and stick to it. This also transfers to all the people around you. My son loves going on adventures! He doesn't realize mom's happy cause she got a three mile walk in and cause he'll sleep like a baby that night.

Reason #3: Prevent people from dieing. 

While studying personal training, both of my paternal grandparents fell ill and died. They hadn't been well for quite a few years. Both had trouble with falls, grandpa had Parkinson, they were older, etc. Not being physically fit is not why they died, but I think a little more activity earlier in life would have benefited them. I read a research article that stated, "to prevent falls in old age, people should stay healthy enough to get out of a sunken chair without using the arm rests." 
If I can help ONE person go into old age knowing they are of decent health and can live a better quality of life than my grandparents did the past few years, I will be happy.

So, that is why I became a personal trainer. I would love to help you reach whatever goals you have. Email me and we can talk about how we could work together to get your health where you want it to be! 

jschwent.fit@gmail.com

Check me out @jschwent.fit on instagram

JSchwent Fitness & Personal Training on Facebook

Dear Ryan Lochte, your hair deserves better than that

I stumbled upon an article today about Ryan Locate's hair. I know, I know, out of everything going on at the Olympics, and I choose to write about this?! Yes. I love Ryan Lochte. I believe he is the hottest Olympian in Rio, but when I saw his hair, I cringed. I cringed because I knew that if he didn't take care of that beautiful mane, it would soon be brittle, damaged, and green. Turns out, I was right. Just as his events end, his shade starts to turn a light green.

I was born with bleach blonde, platinum hair. As I grew up, it naturally darkened to the last shade of blonde you can be, without actually being a brunette. From ages 13 - 26, I died my hair every shade of blonde in between. My hair is now it's natural color after two years of having horrible roots, but thats a whole other topic. I have also spent many summers in a pool, wether it be my own or working at a Park District pool.

I have been scolded, year after year, by my stylist/aunt for not taking care of my hair during the summer, so I have decided to share all my anti-chlorine tips. These were directed at me because I am blonde, but chlorine is super damaging to any hair color, so these tips will work for all.

My many shades of blonde

So, why does chlorine turn blonde into green?
"If you've ever dyed your hair (especially platinum blond), you likely know that taking a dip in the swimming pool can alter your hair color. Copper compounds in the water get absorbed deep within your strands and attach to your hair's protein, causing it to take on brassy — or green — undertones." -Popsugar article

What does chlorine to other hair colors?
"Short, occasional exposure to chlorinated water really won't damage your hair. It may make it feel dry for a day or so, however.

Regular exposure to chlorinated swimming pools can cause significant damage to your hair. Disinfectants in general are used to break down and remove dirt, oil, and bacteria. Our scalps naturally produce oil to protect hair from damage and daily wear. Stripping the oil from your hair in a pool on a regular basis can cause over drying, increased porosity, and in some cases pretty significant damage if you don't take steps to prevent and treat your hair for chlorine exposure." - Women's hair about.com article

My tried- and - true methods for protecting my hair:
Basically, the goal here is to prevent the chlorine water from being absorbed into your locks.

1. Prevention: My aunt recommends using a conditioner on your hair before taking a dip. Any regular conditioner will work. If your hair is dry, it's easier to absorb the chlorine. I like to keep an extra conditioner bottle just for swimming in my vanity. I've noticed that using a conditioner with avocado or keratin (proteins) in it, leaves my hair extra soft afterwards.

Lately, I've been been mixing coconut oil in with my pre-swim conditioner, and I LOVE IT. Coconut oil does amazing things for hair, and oil doesn't mix with water. I would recommend adding coconut oil to the conditioner if you swim regularly.

There are also products you can buy that will protect your hair, but if you're on a budget, just grab your usual conditioner.

2. Clean-up: Always use a chlorine removing shampoo within a few hours of swimming! Again, these can range in price, but I like the brand they have at Walgreens. Plus, if you buy for the next year in October, it's usually 2 bottles for like $5.

3. Maintenance: Since chlorine gets absorbed into your hair, leaves residue on your scalp, and strips hair of all natural oils, this is just as important as the first two steps

Cleansing to remove built-up chlorine: After I use the chlorine shampoo, or just once a week to keep my hair feeling fresh, I mix a little bit of my favorite shampoo with apple cider vinegar and use that instead of shampoo. I do this year round cause it keeps hair light, soft, and build up free, but it's even more important during summer.

Replenishing oils: You can find hair masks at your favorite drug store that will work for this too, but I like using a mixture of oils. My 3 favorite oils to mix to create a super awesome hair mask are grapeseed oil to strengthen hair, coconut oil to soften hair, and avocado oil to replace protein stripped by chlorine.

A quick search on Pinterest will give you many more ways to prevent chlorine from wreaking havoc on your mane, but here are a few of the good ones I found.

  < Natural, not pool damaged hair >

So, with all that taken care of, Ryan Lochte, please fix your hair so I can go back to staring at you longingly, not being disturbed by your minty hair.

Ryan with the green hair
How chlorine damages hair
Kids don't want green hair either!

Urban gardening for everyone!

I do not need to tell you that the urban gardening trend has taken off in the past few years. There are community gardens on small plots all over the country. People are more interested than ever in growing their own food, and knowing what they are putting into their bodies. I'm just going to tell you my gardening journey, why I think it's beneficial to my family, and give you some ideas, or a starting point for next year.  Just a disclaimer: I do not know a thing about growing plants that you can't eat. I'm terrible with "pretty flowers", but for some reason, if it's useful, I'm good. That being said, I'm also no expert at any of this. Just learning as I go. 

I was talking to my therapist in April of 2013, almost a year after I had my son & a year before I graduated college. She asked what I do for fun. I said cleaning, cooking, keeping a human alive, homework, and running errands. Apparently, that didn't count as fun and she suggested I get a hobby.

I was dirt poor at the time, but the Farmer's Market in my city had this great program where people could use SNAP (food stamps) to purchase fresh veggies and fruit. My excitement grew even bigger when I was looking at the veggie sprouts longingly, knowing I couldn't afford them, and the vendor says, "You know, if you can eat it, you can use food stamps for it." These peppers?! Those tomatoes?! "Yup. If the plant is already started, so you can't get seeds, it's yours to eat and grow." WHAT?! I found my hobby. I wasn't even going to let living on a third floor apartment with a tiny, covered, balcony stop me. There was a lot oftrial and error, there still is, but I'm slowly figuring it out. 

My first attempts at urban gardeningI also tried the mason jars with herbs and it worked terribly. There is no drainage with the mason jars, so that could have been expected. One thing that I found that worked great for container gardening, were old baby formula cans. The tall, cylinder shaped ones work great, especially for onions and garlic 

I didn't paint mine and just put them on a table, but this is the same idea

There are ideas all over Pinterest about gardening in small spaces; there are how-tos, tips, inspiration, anything you want. I've attached some of my favorites at the end of blog post.

If you have the space, companion planting is a great idea. Some plants help other plants grow! How cool! More information about that below as well.

Since our days in that tiny apartment, we have moved back in with my parents and have much more space. This is much more than space for me to practice my hobby. This is a family project and even my four year old loves it. 

As the years have passed, I have also become very interested in native plant gardening. I have incorporated this into all my mom's exisisting landscaping. I have also built a butterfly garden using native plants.

These are all my gardens, prior to planting being finished this year. They look much better now, I assure you. The top right, with the pallet, is my butterfly garden filled with native mint, fennel, and lavender. Caterpillars seemed to love my fennel last year, so I'm hoping it will work that way again. 

The top left in the above picture is my son's "garden" when it started to bloom. He grew spinach in a pot and was SO excited to have his own garden. He explains to anyone who comes to visit, how plants grow, what they need to grow, and all that good information. He goes out and checks it every day to see if they've grown, he helps me harvest, it's really awesome to see him so into it. He also painted a bird house because he didn't think it was fair that I was making the butterfly's a garden and not a bird garden. There are also a ton of kid gardening ideas on Pinterest. It is also an awesome lesson in patience for him, which to be honest, we both could use. 

 

While I LOVE that it's a good hobby for my son and I, my FAVORITE thing is that I can grow and provide enough veggies for my family throughout the Summer. We try to eat healthy year round and spend about $50-100 a week on fresh fruit and vegetables. With our garden, that amount is slashed in half during the summer. If we are having dinner, and forgot to stop at the store, we can just go outside and grab a zuchinni. In my large plot, I grow tomatoes, zucchini, cucumber, and have native sunflowers in the back. In my cement blocks, I have herbs & peppers. I'm growing mint, lemon balm, chives, coriander, oregano, banana peppers, habanero peppers, green bell peppers, and purple bell peppers. I accidently bought the purple ones, but they are so colorful and cool! I love them!

Typical daily harvest

So this is how much I've harvested of most of my plants. My veggie plot is not that big, it's 10x10 feet, but so far I've gotten 7 lbs of zucchini, more than 4 lbs of tomatoes, and all sorts of herbs. It's still early, I predict my zucchini and tomatoes will be producing even more. Any garden is capable of producing food. It is just a matter of finding what works for whatever you are able to do, what your family likes to eat, and what works in your climate. Don't let these restraints hold you back though. Everyone told me that gardening in Missouri was different from gardening in Illinois. These people told me that I would not be good at growing peppers in Illinois, that the environment was not good for them. These people were wrong. Yes, my peppers may not be huge, but they are plentiful and very tasty. Everyone also told me that broccoli would grow great in Illinois. Well, I haven't had any luck with it. I encourage you to try it though!

So, you have an abundance of veggies and herbs at the end of the year. What do you do with all the extras?!

My favorite thing, at the end of the Summer, is to gather all the veggies/herbs that need to be used quickly or aren't so perfect. I put all the veggies on a broiler pan, broil them for a little bit, then throw everything together in a food processor & make FANTASTIC salsa. I even use extra cucumbers and zucchini. They add to the nutrients in the salsa, and nobody even knows they're in there.

I also use the roses, lemon balm, and mint to make lotions and lip balms. I dry them out and then let the leaves sit in essential oils for a few weeks to make mint & lemon balm infused essential oils. You can find some great recipes at one of my favorite websites: The Nerdy Farm Wife

Below are some pretty infographics to help you get started & all the sources I used in this post. Happy gardening! Get growing!

xo Jen 

Year round gardening!

  Plants in small spaces

Veggie growing cheat sheet   

Gardening for toddlers

*SIDENOTE: Being able to use SNAP at fresh markets is taking off. If this sounds interesting, look up markets near you. I'm sure you'll find one. 

What a great idea!

My plea for playtime in childhood

School is starting back up. That means that after-school activities are being scheduled again. I think after school activities and sports are very important for kid's development, but I've recently been running into kids who are always scheduled, and I don't think that's ok.

This is a convo I recently overheard between a mom and her 9 year old daughter:

Mom: When should you do gymnastics this school year?
Daughter: Idk. what day do I have free?
Mom: Well you have soccer and dance on Monday, swim team on Tuesday and Thursday, cheerleading on Wednesdays and Sundays, choir practice on Fridays. 
Daughter: Do I have to do gymnastics?
Mom: Well what would you want to do instead?
Daughter: Can't I just do nothing on Saturdays? Maybe play with my toys and see my friends
Mom: No sweetie. That's how you grow up to be a failure. 
Daughter: But maybe we could do some fun things as a family
Mom: We do fun things in the car between practices.
Daughter: I don't think that counts, but ok. I guess I'll do gymnastics on Saturday. 

After talking to my mom and sister, who are both teachers, my mom had a very interesting point. If this child is never allowed to make decisions, she will have no idea how to make a decision of her own when she is put in a situation with the things her mother is trying to protect her from.

Before I talk about the importance of play, I want to stress that no way of parenting is proven to be right for everybody. If something like above is better for you and your kids, far be it from me to tell you you're wrong. I just think some of this, needs to be toned down a bit.

My mom had a rule for me & my siblings when we were growing up: 1 sport, 1 extra curricular (like scouts or a club), and 1 creative class per kid, per season. I hated this rule as a child, but now that I'm a mom, it makes sense, especially when you have to get three kids to all these separate activities. I realize she did this more for her sake than for ours, but I get it.

I've compiled a little bit of the research I've done on this topic below. 

Disclaimer: I focus a lot of my posts on OUTDOOR unstructured play. This is not going to be the same post in different words. This is unstructured play in general, indoor or outdoor. 

So, I've looked at researched and read some blogs. Below is a beautiful picture that describes the benefits of free play.

This comes from a blog on the Melissa & Doug website, written by THAT Melissa herself. In the post, she argues for the importance of free play in the lives of young children. She says that we need to "Take Back Childhood" & she couldn't be more right. 

"Play leads to brain plasticity, adaptability, and creativity.

Nothing fires up the brain like play.—Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play"

I also found an article on the website CityLab about a literature review that was done of all the studies that have been done about the importance of play. I have included the highlights of that review below.

• “Risky” play encourages kids to think critically, and appears to have a positive impact on child health. "We found that play environments where children could take risks promoted increased play time, social interactions, creativity and resilience," Mariana Brussoni, lead author of the study, and assistant professor in University of British Columbia's School of Population and Public Health and Department of Pediatrics, said in a press release.
• The term risky here is used to denote a situation whereby a child can recognize and evaluate a challenge and decide on a course of action
• 
  
• “Risky” play encourages kids to think critically, and appears to have a positive impact on child health. "We found that play environments where children could take risks promoted increased play time, social interactions, creativity and resilience," Mariana Brussoni, lead author of the study, and assistant professor in University of British Columbia's School of Population and Public Health and Department of Pediatrics, said in a press release.
• [We have] an idea that children are too fragile or unintelligent to assess the risk of any given situation. Now our working assumption is that children cannot be trusted to find their way around tricky physical or social and emotional situations.

They even weighed the positive and negatives associated with risky play. 

• The authors weigh the benefits against the risks that can be associated with high-octane play, such as bone fractures. (Falls send as many as 3 million kids to emergency rooms in the U.S. each year.) They conclude that “play at height was not related to fracture frequency and severity,” and that wild recreation does not appear to be correlated with other measures of aggression.

So, since we know WHY it is important, how do we go about encouraging free play? I have included a pretty infographic below, but I know from experience that a child will practice this on their own if left alone. Just today, I watched my son turn a lion from one toy into a Captain America cause we don't have that action figure. 

Enjoy playtime. Let's take back childhood!

xo Jen 

Sources: 

Citylab article

Melissa & Doug blog